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It’s that time of year again. And if you hate all the mentions of love, pink hearts fluttering in the cold breeze, and two for one sales on chocolate bars, this Valentine’s day playlist is for you!
1). “Caught Out There”-Kelis: This song is for everyone who’s been cheated on and who doesn’t want to give the whole, “turn the other cheek” a try. Nah. You’d rather be petty and slash their tires.
2) “Desire”-Meg Myers: Why? Cuz nothing says “restraining order,” like a person who sings about wanting to kill you. Well…after she has sex with you. So you may die horribly, but you’ll get off first. So there’s that. Happy Valentine’s Day!
3) “Bust Your Windows”-Jasmine Sullivan: When you’re not Adele and don’t wish your ex the best. Nope. You hope they suffer in the ninth circle of hell with Michael Bolton playing on repeat for all eternity. That might not happen, so you’ll settle for severe property damage instead.
4) “No More I Love You’s”-Annie Lennox: When the dame diva herself sings this tune, it’s over. Don’t cry, don’t try to work it out, just leave. There’s nothing here for you except lonely desperation tinged with tears, awkward speed dates, Ben and Jerry’s ice cream, and updating your Facebook relationship status to single.
5) “Eat You Alive”-Limp Bizkit: Aww….this song is kind of sweet. If you’re, you know, not fazed by the symbolic use of cannibalism and the underlying current of rage.
6) “Don’t Speak”-No Doubt: A great 90’s tune about loss and heartbreak. Not to mention that Gwen Stefani was in the band with the very guy who broke her heart and inspired this song. This probably made for really uncomfortable road trips and jam sessions.
7) “These Boots are Made for Walkin’”-Nancy Sinatra: When your partner’s a lying cheat, but that won’t stop you from leaving. And looking fabulous while doing it.
8) “What’s Love Got to Do With It”-Tina Turner: Cuz really, it might not even be love that’s making you feel all fluttery inside. It might be gas. Or heartburn. And who needs to feel like that? Take a maalox and keep it movin’, yo.
9) “I Hate Everything About You”-Three Days Grace: When you want to break up, but it’s alright, because you realize you don’t even like the person you’re dating anyway.
10) “I Will Survive” -Gloria Gaynor: Why? Cuz, reasons! This is the ultimate post break up song. This is about triumphing over heartbreak and pain….and secretly enjoying the fact that your sniveling ex has come back on bended knee to beg for forgiveness. Happy Valentine’s Day, Go now! Go! Walk out the door! Just turn around now!
‘Cause you’re not welcome anymore!