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With the death of beloved actor and comedian, Robin Williams, we were reminded once again the stigma of mental illness and depression in today’s society. This brought many writers, activists, and public figures to speak out about awareness of depression and its silent destruction of our population, as well as many others to refute its actual existence. I found one of the most moving portrayals in an article written about being in a relationship with depression.
It struck something deep inside of me with its message: just because I cannot love myself, does not mean that I am not worthy of someone else’s love.
As someone who has dealt with depression and severe anxiety for a great deal of my life, relationships have always been difficult. I latched on too hard to the boys I knew couldn’t love me, and let go of the ones who could too quickly. Relationships were hard, and they made my anxiety skyrocket with over-obsessive thoughts of things I could not control.
However, somewhere along the line, I found someone who loved me for me when I couldn’t bear to look at myself in the mirror or get out of bed. I spent a lot of our relationship feeling like I had him fooled, but then one day he sent me the link to the song “Waste” by Foster The People — and I realized that I was the one being the fool.
He understood that music was my native language, and he found the best way to tell me that he loved me through the darkness; I’d be lying if that singular moment didn’t completely change our relationship, as well as how I handled my sicknesses in regard to him and others.
Together we’ve dealt with breakdowns, panic attacks, days of silence, and months of darkness. We’ve been frustrated with one another too many times to count, but we’ve also saved one another in the most important moments. It’s not been easy, though, because it can’t be, not when one of us is a Wheel of Emotional What-If’s on the regular. But there are days that feel easy, and knowing that he’ll be there to help me when I wake up tomorrow, whether I can open my eyes or breathe, is so important.
This mix is dedicated to the songs created to remind the one’s we love, whether we feel broken or they do, that it’s real.
If you’re dealing with depression, hopefully it’ll help you through your darkest moments. If you’re in love with someone who feels broken, hopefully it’ll help you remind yourself why you’re still there. Keep each other safe, it just takes some time.
For more information on depression, as well as someone to reach out to, please check out the DBS Alliance for links and numbers.